You Might Be Jokes   

You Might Be A Computer Nerd If...

1. your spouse sends you an e-mail instead of calling you to dinner
2. you can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie
   
3. your wrist watch has more computing power than a 486DX-50
   
4. you want an 48X CDROM for Christmas
   
5. Dilbert is your hero
   
6. you introduce your wife as "mylady@home.wife"
   
7. you stare at an orange juice container because it says CONCENTRATE
   
8. the only jokes you receive are through e-mail
   
9. you can name 6 Star Trek episodes
   
10. your idea of good interpersonal communication means getting the decimal point in the right place

You Might Be a Goth If...

1. the Count was your favorite Sesame Street character as a child
   
2. the shade of powder you wear is called "Sheet Of Paper"
   
3. you and your boyfriend fight over who gets to wear the fangs
   
4. you and your friends take lengthy drives to visit non-local graveyards
   
5. you are happy when no one has ever heard of your favorite band
   
6. you argue on whether Poppy Z. Brite or Anne Rice has the more realistic outlook on life
   
7. you buy $15 fishnets and rip them on purpose
   
8. you can't decide whether Morticia Addams or Lily Munster is prettier,
   
9. you fashion your eyeliner after a culture that's been dead over 2000
   
10. you go to Denny's at 5 in the morning and think, "These are my people"
    
11. you have seen "Nightmare before Christmas" more than seven times
    
12. you like to play dead in public
    
13. you own 16 or more Cleopatra c.d.'s
    
14. you own even 1 Projekt c.d.
    
15. you pay 6 bucks for cigarettes that match your outfit
    
16. you refer to others as "The Normals"
    
17. you refer to your age in mortal years
    
18. you spell Vampire either Vampyre or Vamphyre
    
19. you think dead flowers are prettier than live ones
    
20. you think of the hearse as a "family car"
    
21. you wake up still drunk at 3 in the afternoon with anonymous black
    
22. you wear long, velvet coats in the middle of summer
    
23. you were disappointed to find out that "American Gothic" is a portrait
    
24. your boyfriend complains that his ribs just don't stick out the way
    
25. your combat boots cost more than it takes to feed a third world child
    
26. your purse is large, square and metal
    
27. you've willingly undergone cosmetic dental surgery
    

You Might Be In A Redneck Volunteer Fire Department If...

1. your department has ever had two emergency vehicles pulled over for drag racing on the way to the scene.
   
2. you have naked lady mud flaps on your pumper.
   
3. your firehouse has wheels.
   
4. you've ever gotten back and found out you locked yourselves out of the firehouse.
   
5. Fire training consists of everyone standing around a fire gettin' drunk.
   
6. you've ever let a person's house burn down because they wouldn't let you hunt on their ground.
   
7. at least one vehicle in the firehouse still has decorations on it from the Halloween Parade and it's January.
   
8. your personnel vehicle has more lights on it than your house has lights in it.
   
9. you don't own a Dalmation, but you do have a coon dog named Sparky.
   
10. you've ever walked through a christmas display and came up with more than 3 new ideas for a light scheme for your truck.
    
11. your rescue truck can smoke the tires.
    
12. your department's name is misspelled on the equipment.
    
13. your engine had to be towed in the last Christmas Parade.
    
14. dispatch can't mention your name without laughing.
    
15. the local news crew won't put your department on TV because you embarassed them last time.
    
16. your defib consists of a pair of jumper cables, a marine battery, and a fish finder.
    
17. you've ever taken a girl on a date in a pumper.
    
18. your pumper has been on fire more times than it has been to a fire.
    
19. your pumper smokes more than the house fire.
    
20. the only time the trucks leave the station is on bingo night.
    

1