A
flying saucer landed at a gas station on a lonely country
road. The two space aliens inside seemed completely unconcerned
about detection; in fact, the letters "UFO" were
emblazoned in big, bold letters on one side of their shiny
craft. As the station owner stood and gawked in silence, paralyzed
with shock, his young blonde attendant nonchalantly filled
up the tank and waved to the two aliens as they took off.
"Do you realize what just happened?" the station
owner finally uttered.
"Yeah," said the blonde attendant. "So?"
"Didn't you see the space aliens in that vehicle?!"
"Yeah," repeated the blonde attendant. "So?"
"Didn't you see the letters 'UFO' on the side of that
vehicle?!"
"Yeah," repeated the blonde attendant. "So?"
"Don't you know what 'UFO' means?!"
The blonde attendant rolled his eyes. "Good grief, boss!
I've been
working here for six years. Of course I know what 'UFO' means
'Unleaded Fuel Only.'"
Valles Marineris (MPI) - A spokesthing for Mars Air Force
denounced as false rumors that an alien space craft crashed
in the desert, outside of Ares Vallis on Friday. Appearing
at a press conference today, General Rgrmrmy The Lesser, stated
that "the object was, in fact, a harmless high-altitude
weather balloon, not an alien spacecraft."
The
story broke late Friday night when a major stationed at nearby
Ares Vallis Air Force Base contacted the Valles Marineris
Daily Record with a story about a strange, balloon-shaped
object which allegedly came down in the nearby desert, "bouncing"
several times before coming to a stop, "deflating in
a sudden explosion of alien gases." Minutes later, General
Rgrmrmy The Lesser contacted the Daily Record telepathically
to contradict the earlier report.
General
Rgrmrmy The Lesser stated that hysterical stories of a detachable
vehicle roaming across the Martian desert were blatant fiction,
provoked by incidences involving swamp gas. But the general
public has been slow to accept the Air Force's explanation
of recent events, preferring to speculate on the "other-worldly"
nature of the crash debris. Conspiracy theorists have condemned
Rgrmrmy's statements as evidence of "an obvious government
cover-up," pointing out that Mars has no swamps.
Q. Why do aliens make crop circles?
A. Because they are corny.
Q.
Where do dumb aliens go?
A. Area 52.
Q.
How are men like UFOs?
A. You don't know where they come from, what their mission is,
or what time they're going to take off.
Q.
What do smart blondes and UFO's have in common?
A. You always hear about them but never see them.
The teacher was asking here students "How many letters
are in the alphabet?". A student said "18".
The teacher said "Why 18?" The student said "Because
ET left in a UFO and was chased by the CIA"
By now, everyone has heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security,
super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51."
Late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were
very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret"
base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the
pilot into an interrogation room.
The
pilot's story was that he took off from Vegas, got lost, and
spotted the Base just as he was about to run out of fuel.
The Air Force started a full FBI background check on the pilot
and held him overnight during the investigation.
By
the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot really
was lost and wasn't a spy. They gassed up his airplane, gave
him a terrifying "you-did-not-see-a-base" briefing,
complete with threats of spending the rest of his life in
prison, told him Vegas was that-a-way on such-and-such a heading,
and sent him on his way.
The
next day, to the total disbelief of the Air Force, the same
Cessna showed up again. Once again, the MP's surrounded the
plane . . . only this time there were two people in the plane.
The
same pilot jumped out and said, "Do anything you want
to me, but my wife is in the plane and you have to tell her
where I was last night!"
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