Take shopping
carts for the express purpose of filling them
and stranding them at strategic locations.
Ride those little
electronic cars at the front of the store.
Set all the
alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals
throughout the day.
Start playing
Calvinball; see how many people you can get to
join in.
Contaminate the
entire auto department by sampling all the spray
air fresheners.
Challenge other
customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
Leave cryptic
messages on the typewriters.
Re-dress the
mannequins as you see fit.
When there are
people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially
thin narrow aisles.
Tell an
employee in an official tone, "I think we've got
a Code 3 in Housewares," and see what happens.
Tune all the
radios to a polka station; then turn them all
off and turn the volumes to "10".
Play with the
automatic doors.
Walk up to
complete strangers and say, "Hi! I haven't seen
you in so long!..." etc. See if they play along.
Walking through
the clothing department, ask yourself loud
enough for all to hear, "Who BUYS this junk,
anyway?"
Repeat Number
14 in the jewelry department.
Ride a display
bicycle through the store; claim you're taking
it for a "test drive."
Follow people
through the aisles, staying about five feet
away. Continue to do this until they leave the
department.
Play soccer
with a group of friend, using the entire store
as your playing field.
As the cashier
runs your purchases over the scanner, look
mesmerized and say, "Wow. Magic!"
Put M&M's on
layaway.
Move "Caution:
Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
Set up a tent
in the camping department; tell others you'll
only invite them in if they bring pillows.
Test the
fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from
the other aisles.
Ask other
customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
Drape a blanket
around your shoulders and run around saying,
"...I'm Batman. Come, Robin--to the Batcave!"
Toilet paper as
much of the store as possible.
Randomly throw
things over into neighboring aisles.
Play with the
calculators so that they all spell "hello"
upside down.
When someone
asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask,
"Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
When two or
three people are walking ahead of you, run
between them, yelling, "Red Rover!"
Take up an
entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale
battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.
Take bets on
the battle described above.
Nonchalantly
"test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
Hold indoor
shopping cart races.
Dart around
suspiciously while humming the theme from
Mission: Impossible."
Attempt to fit
into very large gym bags.
Attempt to fit
others into very large gym bags.
Say things
like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to
your Twinkies?"
Set up a "Valet
Parking" sign in front of the store.
Two words:
"Marco Polo."
Leave Cheerios
in Lawn and Garden, pillows in the pet food
aisle, etc.
"Re-alphabetize" the CD's in Electronics.
When someone
steps away from their cart to look at something,
quickly make off with it without saying a word.
Relax in the
patio furniture until you get kicked out.
During
announcements over the PA, assume the fetal
position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices
again!"
Pay off
layaways fifty cents at a time.
Drag a lounge
chair on display over to the magazines and
relax.
If the store
has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that
you don't get out much, and ask if they can put
a little umbrella in it.
|
