Two
Irishmen, Patrick Murphy and Shawn O'Brian grew up together
and were lifelong friends. But alas, Patrick developed cancer,
and was dying. While on his deathbed, Patrick called to his
buddy, Shawn, "O'Brian, come 'ere. I 'ave a request for
ye." Shawn walked to his friend's bedside and kneels.
"Shawny
ole boy, we've been friends all our lives, and now I'm leaving
'ere. I 'ave one last request fir ye to do."
O'Brian
burst into tears, "Anything Patrick, anything ye wish.
It's done."
"Well,
under me bed is a box containing a bottle of the finest whiskey
in all of Ireland. Bottled the year I was born it was. After
I die, and they plant me in the ground, I want you to pour
that fine whiskey over me grave so it might soak into me bones
and I'll be able to enjoy it for all eternity."
O'Brian
was overcome by the beauty and in the true Irish spirit of
his friend's request, he asked, "Aye, tis a fine thing
you ask of me, and I will pour the whiskey. But, might I strain
it through me kidneys first?"
Three
guys, one Irish, one English, and one Scottish, are out walking
along the beach together one day. They come across a lantern
and a Genie pops out of it. "I will give you each one
wish, that's three wishes in total", says the Genie.
The
Scottish guy says, "I am a fisherman, my Dad's a fisherman,
his Dad was a fisherman and my son will be one too. I want
all the oceans full of fish for all eternity." So, with
a blink of the Genie's eye FOOM! the oceans were teaming with
fish.
The
Englishman was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around
England, protecting her, so that no one will get in for all
eternity." Again, with a blink of the Genie's eye POOF!
there was a huge wall around England.
The
Irishman asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more
about this wall." The Genie explains, "well, it's
about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick, protecting England so
that nothing can get in or out."
The
Irishman says, "Fill it up with water."
McQuillan
walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each
time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the
jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the
Irishman started to leave. "S'cuse me," said a customer,
who was puzzled over what McQuillan had done. "What was
that all about?" "Nothing," said the Irishman,
"my wife just sent me out for a jar of olives."
The
Doctor was puzzled "I'm very sorry but I can't diagnose
your trouble, Mahoney. I think it must be drink. "
"Don't
worry about it Dr. Kelley, I'll come back when you're sober."
His
wife had been killed in an accident and the police were questioning
Finnegan.
"Did
she say anything before she died?" asked the sergeant.
"She
spoke without interruption for about forty years," said
the Irishman.
Two
Irishmen were sitting in a four engined plane flying back
from a shopping trip to Paris when the captains voice came
over the loudspeaker. "Ladies and Gentlemen, one of the
engines appears to have failed. There's nothing to worry about
but we will be 15 minutes late in landing at Gatwick."
Five
minutes later he said, "Nothing to worry about, ladies
and Gentlemen, but one of the other engines has failed, and
we will now be an hour late."
A
moment later, "Er...sorry about this ladies and gentlemen,
but the third engine has also given up the ghost and we will
now be two hours later than expected."
One
of the Irishmen tapped his friend on the shoulder. "Good
heavens, Patrick, do you realise that if the other engine
fails, we'll be here all night?"
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