It was at the end of
the school year, and a kindergarten teacher was
receiving gifts from her pupils. The florist's son
handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead,
and said, "I bet I know what it is. Some flowers."
"That's right" the boy said, "but how did you know?"
"Oh, just a wild guess," she said. The next pupil
was the candy shop owner's daughter. The teacher
held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I
can guess what it is. A box of sweets." "That's
right, but how did you know?" asked the girl. "Oh,
just a wild guess," said the teacher. The next gift
was from the son of the liquor store owner. The
teacher held the package overhead, but it was
leaking. She touched a drop of the leakage with her
finger and touched it to her tongue. "Is it wine?"
she asked. "No," the boy replied, with some
excitement. The teacher repeated the process, taking
a larger drop of the leakage to her tongue. "Is it
champagne?" she asked. "No," the boy replied, with
more excitement. The teacher took one more taste
before declaring, "I give up, what is it?" With
great glee, the boy replied, "It's a puppy!"
 Miss Jones had been giving her second-grade students
a lesson on science. She had explained about magnets
and showed how they would pick up nails and other
bits of iron. Now it was question time, and she
asked, "My name begins with the letter 'M' and I
pick up things. What am I?" A little boy on the
front row proudly said, "You're a mother!"
As a new school principal, Mr. Mitchell was checking
over his school on the first day. Passing the
stockroom, he was startled to see the door wide open
and teachers bustling in and out, carrying off books
and supplies in preparation for the arrival of
students the next day. The school where he had been
a Principal the previous year had used a check-out
system only slightly less elaborate than that at
Fort Knox. Cautiously, he asked the school's long
time Custodian, "Do you think it's wise to keep the
stock room unlocked and to let the teachers take
things without requisitions?" The Custodian looked
at him gravely... "We trust them with the children,
don't we?"
A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a
plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It
fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all.
On the first day of the term, still with the cast
under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the
toughest students in school. Walking confidently
into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as
wide as possible and then busied himself with desk
work. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he
took the desk stapler and stapled the tie to his
chest. He had no trouble with discipline that term.
My son, Mitchell, a kindergartener, practices
spelling with magnetic letters on the refrigerator:
"cat," "dog," "dad," and "mom" have been proudly
displayed for all to see. One morning while getting
ready for the day, Mitchell bounded into the room
with his arms outstretched. In his hands were three
magnetic letters: G-O-D. "Look what I spelled, Mom!"
Mitch exclaimed, a proud smile on his face. "That's
wonderful!" I said. "Now go put them on the fridge
so Dad can see when he gets home tonight." That
Christian education is certainly having an impact, I
thought, happily. Just then, a little voice called
from the kitchen. "Mom? How do you spell 'zilla?'"
Little Johnny had finished his summer vacation and
gone back to school. Two days later his teacher
phoned his mother to tell her that he was
misbehaving. "Wait a minute," she said. "I had
Johnny with me for three months and I never called
you once when he misbehaved."
An English teacher often wrote little notes on
student essays. She was working late one night, and
as the hours passed, her handwriting deteriorated.
The next day a student came to her after class with
his essay she had corrected. "I can't make out this
comment you wrote on my paper." The teacher took the
paper, and after squinting at it for a minute,
sheepishly replied, "It says that you need to write
more legibly!"
A young student reported for a final examination
that consisted of only true/false questions. The
student took a seat in the hall, stared at the test
for five minutes, removed a coin from his pocket and
started tossing the coin and marking the answer
sheet. Heads meant true, tails meant false. The
young student finished the exam in 30 minutes, while
the rest of the class was sweating it out. Suddenly,
during the last few minutes, the young student began
desperately throwing the coin and sweating
profusely. The moderator, alarmed, approached the
student and asked what was going on. "Well, I
finished the exam in half an hour," said the
student, "but I thought I ought to recheck my
answers."
One morning a mother was trying to wake up her son.
"Wake up now! It's time to go to school." "I don't
want to go to school," the son replied. His mother
said, "Give me two reasons why you don't want to go
to school." "Okay. One, all the children hate me.
Two, all the teachers hate me." "Not good enough,"
the mother replied. "Fine," the son said. "Then you
give me two good reasons why I SHOULD go to school."
"One, you're 50 years old. Two, you're the principal
of the school."
The new family in the neighborhood overslept and
their six-year-old daughter missed her school bus.
The father, though late for work himself, had to
drive her. Since he did not know the way, he said
that she would have to direct him to the school.
They rode several blocks before she told him to turn
the first time, several more before she indicated
another turn. This went on for 20 minutes - but when
they finally reached the school, it proved to be
only a short distance from their home. The father,
much annoyed, asked his daughter why she'd led him
around in such a circle. The child explained,
"That's the way the school bus goes, Daddy. It's the
only way I know."
Walking through the hallways at the middle school
where I work, I saw a new substitute teacher
standing outside his classroom with his forehead
against a locker. I heard him mutter, "How did you
get yourself into this?" Knowing that he was
assigned to a difficult class, I tried to offer
moral support. "Are you okay?" I asked. "Can I
help?" He lifted his head and replied, "I'll be fine
as soon as I get this kid out of his locker."
One morning I was called to pick up my son at the
school nurse's office. When I walked through the
main entrance, I noticed a woman, curlers in her
hair, wearing pajamas. "Why are you dressed like
that?" I asked her. "I told my son," she explained,
"that if he ever did anything to embarrass me, I
would embarrass him back. He was caught cutting
school. So now I've come to spend the day with him!"
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