A
salesman is driving toward home in northern Ontario when he
sees an Indian thumbing for a ride on the side of the road.
As the trip had been long and quiet, he stops the car and
the Indian gets in.
After
a bit of small talk, the Indian notices a brown bag on the
front seat. "What's in bag?", the Indian asks the
driver.
The
driver says, "It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my
wife."
The
Indian is silent for a moment then says, "Good trade."
A
man with a winking problem is applying for a position as a
sales representative for a large firm. The interviewer looks
over his papers and says, "This is phenomenal. You've
graduated from the best schools; your recommendations are
wonderful, and your experience is unparalleled. Normally,
we'd hire you without a second thought. However, a sales representative
has a highly visible position, and we're afraid that your
constant winking will scare off potential customers. I'm sorry....we
can't hire you."
"But
wait," he said. "If I take two aspirin, I'll stop
winking!"
"Really?
Great! Show me!"
So
the applicant reaches into his jacket pocket and begins pulling
out all sorts of condoms: red condoms, blue condoms, ribbed
condoms, flavored condoms; finally, at the bottom, he finds
a packet of aspirin. He tears it open, swallows the pills,
and stops winking.
"Well,"
said the interviewer, "that's all well and good, but
this is a respectable company, and we will not have our employees
womanizing all over the country!"
"Womanizing?
What do you mean? I'm a happily married man!"
"Well
then, how do you explain all these condoms?"
"Oh,
that," he sighed. "Have you ever walked into a pharmacy,
winking, and asked for aspirin?"
Two
salesmen are traveling in the country when their car breaks
down. The only house around for miles was a large mansion.
They knock on the door and a beautiful widow answers the door.
Since it is early evening and the garage will not be opened
until morning, she offers to let them spend the night in the
guest bedrooms.
In
the morning they call the tow truck and leave.
About
three months later salesman number one opens a letter and
can't believe what he reads. He goes to salesman number two
and says:
"When
we spent the night at the widow's mansion, did you sneak away
into her bedroom in the middle of the night?"
"Why,
yes I did."
"And
did you use my name?"
"Why,
yes how did you know?"
"Well,
it seems she died and left me her 5 million dollar estate!"
Two
salesmen were traveling through northern Wisconsin one Feb.
and it started to snow. Harder and harder till they came to
a complete stop. One said "Hey there is a light on the
hill. Must be a farm house, lets get up there and see if we
can sleep in the barn rather than this cold car." After
the widow lady answered the door bell and they explained their
problem she said "Well gentlemen, you don't have to sleep
in the barn. I am a widow and I have three bedrooms here.
Please come in and I will make some warm dinner for you."
They did and then watched some TV and all went to bed. The
next morning the roads had been cleared and they thanked the
widow and left.
About
9 months later one salesman got a registered letter from the
law offices of Dewey, Cheatham and Howe in Madison Wisconsin.
After he read the letter he immediately called his associate
and said, "Hey Jim, do you remember when we got stuck
in the snow last winter in Wisconsin?" Sure replied Jim.
"Well, tell me something, did you by any chance sneak
into the widows bedroom that night?" "Well!"
replied the salesman, "as a matter of fact I did. But
why do you ask?""Tell me something else, first,"
he replied "did you by any chance use my name?"
"Well," said the salesman, "as a matter of
fact I did. After all you are single and always sleeping around
and I'm married and can't so I figured it was safer that way.
Why? what happened? Why are you asking these questions?"
"Well"
the first salesman said, "It seems she died and left
me the farm!"
A
little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only
to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum
cleaner.
"Good
morning," said the young man. "If I could take a
couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate
the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners."
"Go
away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money!"
and she proceeded to close the door.
Quick
as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and
pushed it wide open. "Don't be too hasty!" he said.
"Not until you have at least seen my demonstration."
And
with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway
carpet.
"If
this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse
manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the
remainder."
"Well,"
she said, "I hope you've got a good appetite because
the electricity was cut off this morning."
What's
the difference between a used car salesman and a software
salesmen?
Only
the used car salesemen knows when he lying.
A
new sales assistant was hired at a large department store.
On his first day, the sales manager took him around to show
him the ropes. They were passing by the gardening section,
when they heard a customer asking for grass seed. The sales
manager stepped in.
Sales manager: Excuse me, but will you be needing a hose to
water your lawn?
Customer : I guess so. I'll take one.
Sales manager: And how about some fertilizer and weed-killer?
Customer : Um, okay.
Sales manager: Here's a couple of bags. You'll also need a
lawn mower to cut the grass when it starts growing too long.
Customer : I'll take one of those too.
After
the customer left, the sales manager turned to the assistant.
"You see?" he said, "that's the way to make
a good sale. Always sell more than what the customer originally
came in for."
Impressed,
the assistant headed off for the pharmaceutical section, where
he was to work. Soon, a man strolled in.
Man: I'd like to buy a pack of Tampax, please.
Sales assistant: Sure, and would you like to buy a lawn mower
too?
Man: Why would I want to do that?
Sales assistant: Well, your weekend's shot to hell anyway,
so you might as well mow the lawn.
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