Energizer
Bunny arrested; charged with battery.
A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.
My wife really likes to make pottery, but to me it's just
kiln time.
Dijon vu: the same mustard as before.
Practice safe eating: always use condiments.
I fired my masseuse today. She just rubbed me the wrong way.
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.
I used to be a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so
they gave me the ax.
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality
comes from morons?
A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.
Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
Corduroy pillows are making headlines.
Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome.
Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
Banning the bra was a big flop.
Sea captains don't like crew cuts.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.
Without geometry, life is pointless.
When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.
Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red.
When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar one day and sat
down to drink a beer.
After
a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said,
"Who owns the big white horse outside?"
The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gunbelt, and said, "I
do. Why?"
The
cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "I just thought
you would like to know that your horse is just about dead
outside!"
The
Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and, sure enough, Silver
was about dead from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got him
some water and soon Silver was starting to feel a little better.
The
Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, "Tonto, I want
you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough
of a breeze to make him start to feel better."
Tonto
said, "Sure Kemosabe", and took off running circles
around Silver. Not able to do anything else but wait, the
Lone Ranger returned to the bar to finish his drink.
A
few minutes later, another cowboy struts into the bar and
announces,
"Who owns that big white horse outside?"
The
Lone Ranger stands again and claims, "I do. What is wrong
with him this time?"
The
cowboy says to him, "Nothing much, I just wanted you
to know -
you left your Injun running..."
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