Top
ten reasons to become a nurse:
1) Pays better then fast food, though the hours aren't as
good.
2) Fashionable shoes and sexy white uniforms.
3) Needles: "Tis better to give than receive"
4) Reassure your patients that all bleeding stops...eventually.
5) Expose yourself to rare, exciting and new diseases.
6) Interesting aromas.
7) Courteous and infallible doctors who always leave clear
orders in perfectly legible handwriting.
8) Do enough charting to navigate around the world.
9) Celebrate all the holidays with your friends- at work.
10) Take comfort that most of your patients survive no matter
what you do to them.
You
know you're a nurse if...
You
believe every patient needs TLC: Thorazine, Lorazepam and
Compazine.
You
would like to meet the inventor of the call light in a dark
alley one night.
You
believe not all patients are annoying ... some are unconscious.
Your
sense of humor seems to get more "warped" each year.
You
know the phone numbers of every late night food delivery place
in town by heart.
You
can only tell time with a 24 hour clock.
Almost
everything can seem humorous ... eventually.
When
asked, "What color is the patient's diarrhea?",
you show them your shoes.
Every
time you walk, you make a rattling noise because of all the
scissors and clamps in your pockets.
You
can tell the pharmacist more about the medicines he is dispensing
than he can.
You
carry "spare" meds in your pocket rather than wait
for pharmacy to deliver.
You
refuse to watch ER because it's too much like the real thing
and triggers "flash backs."
You
check the caller ID when the phone rings on your day off to
see if someone from the hospital is trying to call to ask
you to work.
You've
been telling stories in a restaurant and had someone at another
table throw up.
You
notice that you use more four letter words now than before
you became a nurse.
Every
time someone asks you for a pen, you can find at least three
of them on you.
You
can intubate your friends at parties.
You
don't get excited about blood loss ... unless it's your own.
You
live by the motto, "To be right is only half the battle,
to convince the physician is more difficult."
You've
basted your Thanksgiving turkey with a Toomey syringe.
You've
told a confused patient your name was that of your coworker
and to HOLLER if they need help.
Eating
microwave popcorn out a clean bedpan is perfectly natural.
Your
bladder can expand to the same size as a Winnebago's water
tank.
When
checking the level of orientation of a patient, you aren't
sure of the answer.
You
find yourself checking out other customer's arm veins in grocery
waiting lines.
You
can sleep soundly at the hospital cafeteria table during dinner
break, sitting up and not be embarrassed when you wake up.
You
avoid unhealthy looking shoppers in the mall for fear that
they'll drop near you and you'll have to do CPR on your day
off.
You've
sworn you're going to have "NO CODE" tattooed on
your chest.
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