Advances in
science have lead to new medicines that make the
lives of women around the world a little
better...
Damitol
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to
hell for up to 8 hours.
St. Mom's Wort
Plant extract that treats mom's depression
by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to
six hours.
Empty
Nestrogen
Highly effective suppository that eliminates
melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful
they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait
till they moved out.
Peptobimbo
Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups
swallowed before an evening out increases breast
size, decreases intelligence, and improves
flirting.
Dumerol
When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause
dangerously low I.Q. causing enjoyment of
country western music.
Flipitor
Increases life expectancy of commuters by
controlling road rage and the urge to flip off
other drivers.
Antiboyotics
When administered to teenage girls, is
highly effective in improving grades, freeing up
phone lines, and reducing money spent on
make-up.
Menicillin
Potent antiboyotic for older women.
Increases resistance to such lines as, "You make
me want to be a better person... can we get
naked now?"
Buyagra
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping.
Increases potency and duration of spending
spree.
Extra
Strength Buy-One-all
When combined with Buyagra, can cause an
indiscriminate buying frenzy so severe the
victim may even come home with a Donny Osmond CD
or a book by
Dr. Laura.
JackAsspirin
Relieves headache caused by a man who can't
remember your birthday, anniversary or phone
number.
Antitalksident
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be
used on anyone too eager to share their life
stories with total strangers.
Sexcedrin
More effective than Excedrin in treating
the, "Not now, dear, I have a headache,"
syndrome.
Ragamat
When administered to a husband, provides the
same irritation as ragging at him all weekend,
saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it
herself.
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