The
top ten reasons why the television is better than the World Wide Web
10. It doesn't take minutes to build the picture when you change TV channels. 9.
When was the last time you tuned in to "Melrose Place" and got a "Error
404" message? 8.
There are fewer grating color schemes on TV--even on MTV. 7.
The family never argues over which Web site to visit this evening. 6.
A remote control has fewer buttons than a keyboard. 5.
Even the worst TV shows never excuse themselves with an "Under Construction"
sign. 4.
Seinfeld never slows down when a lot of people tune in. 3.
You just can't find those cool Health Rider infomercials on the Web. 2.
Set-top boxes don't beep and whine when you hook up to HBO. 1.
You can't surf the Web from a couch with a beer in one hand and Doritos in the
other.  AOL
addiction poem
My computer broke down. It
crashed and burned! And
for my AOL, I really yearned! I tried to stay busy... And
keep it off my mind. It
was worse than cigarettes, at least butts I can find!! So I went to Wal-Mart,
and got on their pc. The
cashier in electronics was staring at me. But
I didn't care. I had to get on line! Check my mail, and see what buddies I can
find. I
drew a crowd as I began to cry. I
couldn't find the password no matter how hard I tried! I need my AOL!! I got to
have my fix!! Go
to my favorite places, check out some cool pics. The
cashier called Security! I heard her whisper low, "We have ourselves a Psycho
here and she has got to go!" Security
rushed over. Not long did he stall. Obviously
he has never suffered from AOL withdrawal. He slapped cuffs on my wrists and threw
me out the door! Then
he looked at me and said, "Don't come round here no more!" I
feel so embarrassed!! I have sunk so low! To be kicked out of Wal-Mart.... How
low can I go? So
I'll try really hard now to rid myself of this affliction. Get
rid of these bad habits and my AOL addiction!
Surfing
the Internet
Surfin' the Net
So I think I'm in the clear
the boss is no where in sight
I logon to the web and start to surf
and
then my hair stands up with fright the
footsteps coming down the hall
are quickening in pace
there is no time
to exit
no way to save my face so
I press the power button
and relax just a bit
there is no way he can tell
exactly what I hit I
act all surprised
don't know why my machine died
"simply unpredictable
these
computers are!" I cried "So
we'll get you a new one
a computer that won't crash" he exclaims
Do you think he'll wonder
when the new one acts the same? Oh
the Internet is slow
The Net is Slow Oh,
the network outside is frightful,
But on campus, it's so delightful,
Our
packets have nowhere to go,
Net is slow, net is slow, net is slow. It
doesn't show signs of stopping,
All our packets, our hosts are dropping;
Bandwidth is turned way down low,
Net is slow, net is slow, net is slow. When
we finally connect to a site,
It's time to go back to the dorm;
But if
I could stay here all night,
I could submit their Web form. The
network is slowly dying,
And, I fear, we're still denying,
But as long
as Sprint is the way to go,
Net is slow, net is slow, net is slow.
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