THE
MANS GUIDE TO FEMALE ENGLISH
We need = I want
It's your
decision = The correct decision should be
obvious by now
Do what you
want = You'll pay for this later
We need to talk
= I need to complain
Sure...Go ahead
= I don't want you to
I'm not upset =
Of course I'm upset, you moron!
You're ... so
manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
You're
certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you
ever think about?
I'm not
emotional! And I'm not over reacting! = I've got
my period
Be romantic,
turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs
This kitchen is
so inconvenient = I want a new house
I want new
curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and
wallpaper.....
I need wedding
shoes = the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade
of white
Hang the
picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!
I heard a noise
= I noticed you were almost asleep
Do you love me?
= I'm going to ask for something expensive
How much do you
love me? = I did something today you're really
not going to like
I'll be ready
in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a
good game on T.V.
Is my butt fat?
= Tell me I'm beautiful
You have to
learn to communicate = Just agree with me
Are you
listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead.]
Yes = No
No = No
Maybe = No
I'm sorry =
You'll be sorry
Do you like
this recipe? = It's easy to fix, so you'd better
get used to it
Was that the
baby?= Why don't you get out of bed and walk him
until he goes to sleep
I'm not
yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this
is important
All we're going
to buy is a soap dish = It goes without saying
that we're stopping at the cosmetics department,
the shoe department, I need to look at a few new
purses, and those pink sheets would look great
in the bedroom and did you bring your checkbook?
THE
ANSWER TO A FEMALE SAYING "WHAT'S WRONG?".....
The same old
thing = Nothing
Nothing =
Everything
Everything = My
PMS is acting up
Nothing, really
= It's just that you're such a pain in the butt
I don't want to
talk about it = Go away, I'm still building up
steam
THE
WOMEN'S GUIDE TO MEN'S ENGLISH
"I'm hungry" =
I'm hungry
"I'm sleepy" =
I'm sleepy
"I'm tired" =
I'm tired
"Do you want to
go to a movie?" = I'd eventually like to have
sex with you
"Can I take you
out to dinner?" = I'd eventually like to have
sex with you
"Can I call you
sometime?" = I'd eventually like to have sex
with you
"May I have
this dance?" = I'd eventually like to have sex
with you
"Nice dress!" =
Nice cleavage!
"You look
tense, let me give you a massage." = I want to
fondle you
"What's wrong?"
= I don't see why you are making such a big deal
out of this
"What's wrong?"
= What meaningless self-inflicted psychological
trauma are you going through now?
"What's wrong?"
= I guess sex tonight is out of the question
"I'm bored" =
Do you want to have sex?
"I love you" =
Let's have sex now
"I love you,
too" = Okay, I said it...we'd better have sex
now!
"Yes, I like
the way you cut your hair" = I liked it better
before
"Yes, I like
the way you cut your hair" = $50 and it doesn't
look any different!
"Let's talk" =
I am trying to impress you by showing that I am
a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have
sex with me
"Will you marry
me?" = I want to make it illegal for you to have
sex with other guys
"I like that
one better" (while shopping) = Pick any freakin'
dress and let's go home!!!
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