How
did the aliens hurt the farmer?
They trod on his corn.
Did
you hear about the farmer you ploughed his field with a steamroller
?
He wanted to grow mash potatoes!
What
did the neurotic pig say to the farmer?
You take me for grunted.
Q:
When is a farmer like a magician?
A: When he turns his cow to pasture.
Q:
Why did the farmer call his pig "Ink"?
A: Because it was always running out of the pen.
Q:
What do you call cattle with a sense of humor?
A: Laughing stock.
Q:
Why can't the bankrupt cowboy complain?
A: He has got no beef.
A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit
filed by an old rancher. The rancher's prize bull was missing
from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher
only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull.
The
case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace
in the back room of the general store.
The
attorney for the railroad immediately cornered the rancher
and tried to get him to settle out of court. The lawyer did
his best selling job, and finally the rancher agreed to take
half of what he was asking.
After
the rancher had signed the release and took the check, the
young lawyer couldn't resist gloating a little over his success,
telling the rancher, "You know, I hate to tell you this,
old man, but I put one over on you in there. I couldn't have
won the case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was
in the caboose when the train went through your ranch that
morning. I didn't have one witness to put on the stand. I
bluffed you!"
The
old rancher replied, "Well, I'll tell you, young feller,
I was a little worried about winning that case myself, because
that durned bull came home this morning."
A
bus load of politicians were driving down a country road one
afternoon, when all of a sudden, the bus ran off the road
and crashed into a tree in an old farmer's field.
Seeing
what happened, the old farmer went over to investigate. He
then proceeded to dig a hole and bury the politicians.
A
few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed
bus, and asked the old farmer, "Were they all dead?"
The
old farmer replied, "Well, some of them said they weren't,
but you know how them politicians lie."
Seems a guy was driving for hours thu desolate country when
he passed a farmhouse, and before he could react, a cat ran
out in front of him and*splat*... he flattened the cat. Out
of kindness and consideration, he stopped, turned around and
drove back to the farmhouse to notify the occupants. When
the housewife came to the door, said he, "Pardon memadame,
but I just ran over a cat in front of your house, and assumed
that it must belong to you. I know this might be hard to hear,
but Iwanted to let you know instead of just driving off...."
"Not
so fast", says she. "How do you know it was our
cat? Could youdescribe him? What does he look like?"
The
man promptly flopped down on the ground, and said "He
looks like thts"as he gave his best shot at a dead cat
impression.
"Oh
no, you *horrible* man", she replied. "I meant,
what did he look like*before* you hit him?"
At
that, the man got up, covered his eyes with both hands and
screamed"Agggghhhhhhhhhh !!!!!!"
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