Make race car
noises when anyone gets on or off.
Blow your nose and
offer to show the contents of your Kleenex to
other passengers.
Grimace
painfully while smacking your forehead and
muttering: "Shut up, damn it, all of you just
shut UP!"
Whistle the
first seven notes of "It's a Small World"
incessantly.
Sell Girl Scout
cookies.
On a long ride,
sway side to side at the natural frequency of
the elevator.
Shave.
Crack open your
briefcase or purse, and while peering inside
ask: "Got enough air in there?"
Offer name tags
to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours
upside-down.
Stand silent
and motionless in the corner, facing the wall,
without getting off.
When at your
floor, strain to yank the doors open, then act
embarrassed when they open by themselves.
Lean over to
another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol
coming!"
Greet everyone
getting on the elevator with a warm handshake
and ask them to call you Admiral.
One word:
Flatulence!
Stare,
grinning, at another passenger for a while, and
then announce: "I've got new socks on!"
When at least 8
people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh,
not now, damn motion sickness!"
Give religious
tracts to each passenger.
Meow
occasionally.
Bet the other
passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
Frown and
mutter "Gotta go...Gotta go..." then sigh and
say "Oops!"
Show other
passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
Sing "Mary had
a little lamb" while continually pushing
buttons.
Holler "Chutes
away!" whenever the elevator descends.
Walk on with a
cooler that says "Human Head" on the side.
Stare at a
passenger and announce "You're one of THEM!" and
move to the far corner of the elevator.
Burp, and then
say "Mmmm... tasty!"
Leave a box
between the doors.
Ask each
passenger getting on if you can push the button
for them.
Wear a puppet
on your hand and talk to other passengers
"through" it.
Start a
sing-along.
When the
elevator is silent, look around and ask "Is that
your beeper?"
Play the
harmonica.
Shadow box.
Say "Ding!" at
each floor.
Lean against
the button panel.
Say "I wonder
what all these do" and push the red buttons.
Listen to the
elevator walls with a stethoscope.
Draw a little
square on the floor with chalk and inform the
other passengers that this is your "personal
space."
Bring a chair
along.
Take a bite of
a sandwich and ask another passenger: "Wanna see
wha in muh mouf?"
Blow spit
bubbles.
Pull your gum
out of your mouth in long strings.
Announce in a
demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host
body."
Carry a blanket
and clutch it protectively.
Make explosion
noises when anyone presses a button.
Wear "X-Ray
Specs" and leer suggestively at other
passengers.
Stare at your
thumb and say "I think it's getting larger."
If anyone
brushes against you, recoil and holler "Bad
touch!
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