Depending on
where someone is from and where they are driving
you can make some assumptions about their
driving styles and etiquette...
Chicago:
One hand on wheel, one hand on horn.
New York: One hand on wheel, one finger
out window.
New Jersey: One hand on wheel, one finger
out window, cutting across all lanes of traffic.
Boston: One hand on wheel, one hand on
newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator.
Scarborough,
Ontario: Both hands clenched on steering
wheel, driver staring directly forward, cutting
in front of you and slowing down to 40 in a 60
zone then looking in rearview mirror in wonder
as to why the car behind is flashing high beams.
Los Angeles: One hand on wheel, one hand
on nonfat double decaf cappuccino, cradling cell
phone, brick on accelerator with gun in lap
Ohio, but driving in California: Both
hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake,
quivering in terror.
Italy: Both hands in air and gesturing,
both feet on accelerator, head turned to talk to
someone in back seat.
Seattle: One hand on latte, one knee on
wheel, cradling cell phone, foot on brake, mind
on game.
Texas: One hand on wheel, one hand on
hunting rifle, alternating between both feet
being on the accelerator and both feet on the
brake, throwing a McDonald's bag out the window.
West Virginia: Four-wheel drive pickup
truck, shotgun mounted in rear window, beer cans
on floor, squirrel tails attached to antenna.
Florida: Two hands gripping wheel, blue
hair barely visible above window level, driving
35 on the Interstate in the left lane with the
left blinker on.
Edmonton: One gloved hand on wheel, one
hand on heater, feet up underneath bum to keep
warm, 3 differently decorated ice scrapers, one
plastic, broken; one steel, broken; one pastel,
hidden in trunk. neither foot on accelerator or
brakes because with all the ice on the roads,
you're all moving at the same speed either way.
Dubuque, Iowa: no use of turn signal, or
left on for 26 blocks...also cradling cheap cell
phone.
Maine: Beat up 1983 Dodge Ram pick-up
truck, right hand holding a Dunkin Donuts
coffee, cigarette dangling from mouth, greasy
hair shoved underneath an oil stained cap and
classic rock blaring from the radio.
Vancouver: Canadian beer in one hand,
B.C. Weed in the other. Dick on the steering
wheel
New Orleans: One hand on wheel, one hand
holding down sum hookers head while she's giving
head!
Pennsylvania: Both hands on reigns.
California: (Bay Area / Silicon
Valley) One hand on laptop computer, one
hand at on-board navigation/Internet console
installed in dash board, cell phone attached to
head with microphone earpiece, having a
executive meeting with half a dozen people on
speaker phone, palm pilot wedged between knees
to observe up to date stock quotes, and shoes
kicked off, and feet crossed because traffic
hasn't moved in the past hour.
Montana: One finger on steering wheel of
jacked up 4x4, Charlie Daniels blaring from
speakers, dead coyote in back, hay leaves
blowing out of bed while going down the highway.
Nebraska: Two hands on wheel, with head
lodged up ass, chunks of rust falling off by the
pound.
Quebec: engaged in heated political
discussion with espresso in one hand and
croissant in the other, aiming for pedestrians
who have the mistaken notion that crosswalks are
for them.
Michigan: Both hands on wheel and head up
ass.
Toronto: Both hands on the wheel, seat as
far forward as possible, head fixed only looking
forward, ignoring people behind and beside you,
stopping and waiting for the road to fully clear
before making any forward progress.
Los Angeles: Lowered Honda, can't see
over dash, driving too fast or too slow, car
sounds like a bee as it goes by.
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