Dictionary
for Mothers
Bottle feeding: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 am
too.
Defense:
What you'd better have around de yard if you're going to let
the children play outside.
Drooling:
How teething babies wash their chins.
Dumbwaiter:
One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.
Family
planning: The art of spacing your children the proper distance
apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster
Feedback:
The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the
strained carrots.
Full
name: What you call your child when you're mad at him.
Grandparents:
The people who think your children are wonderful even though
they're sure you're not raising them right.
Hearsay:
What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.
Impregnable:
A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.
Independent:
How we want our children to be as long as they do everything
we say.
Look
out: What it's too late for your child to do by the time you
scream it.
Prenatal:
When your life was still somewhat your own.
Preprared
childbirth: A contradiction in terms.
Puddle:
A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing
dry shoes into it.
Show
off: A child who is more talented than yours.
Sterilize:
What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and
to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.
Storeroom:
The distance required between the supermarket aisles so that
children in shopping carts can't quite reach anything.
Temper
tantrums: What you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset
the children.
Top
bunk: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman
jammies.
Two-minute
warning: When the baby's face turns red and she begins to
make those familiar grunting noises.
Verbal:
Able to whine in words
Whodunit:
None of the kids that live in your house.
Whoops:
An exclamation that translates roughly into "get a sponge."
Dictionary
for Medical Terms
Artery -- Study of paintings
Bacteria -- Back door of cafeteria
Barium -- What doctors do when treatment fails
Bowel -- Letter like A.E.I.O.U
Caesarean section -- District in Rome
Cat scan -- Searching for kitty
Cauterize -- Made eye contact with her
Colic -- Sheep dog
Coma -- A punctuation mark
Congenital -- Friendly
D&C -- Where Washington is
Diarrhea -- Journal of daily events
Dilate -- To live long
Enema -- Not a friend
Fester -- Quicker
Fibula -- A small lie
G.I. Series -- Soldiers' ball game
Grippe -- Suitcase
Hangnail -- Coathook
Impotent -- Distinguished, well known
Intense pain -- Torture in a teepee
Labor pain -- Got hurt at work
Medical staff -- Doctor's cane
Morbid -- Higher offer
Nitrate -- Cheaper than day rate
Node -- Was aware of
Outpatient -- Person who had fainted
Pelvis -- Cousin of Elvis
Post operative -- Letter carrier
Protein -- Favoring young people
Rectum -- It almost killed him
Recovery room -- Place to do upholstery
Rheumatic -- Amorous
Scar -- Rolled tobacco leaf
Secretion -- Hiding anything
Seizure -- Roman emperor
Serology -- Study of knighthood
Tablet -- Small table
Terminal illness -- Sickness at airport
Tibia -- Country in North Africa
Tumor -- An extra pair
Urine -- Opposite of you're out
Varicose -- Located nearby
Vein -- Conceited
| 
