A
blind man walks into a store with his seeing eye dog. All
of a sudden, he picks up the leash and begins swinging the
dog over his head. The manager runs up to the man and asks,
"What are you doing?!!" The blind man replies, "Just
looking around."
A
man goes to a bar with his dog. He goes up to the bar and
asks for a drink. The bartender says "You can't bring
that dog in here!" The guy, without missing a beat, says
"This is my seeing-eye dog." "Oh man, "
the bartender says, "I'm sorry, here, the first one's
on me." The man takes his drink and goes to a table near
the door.
Another
guy walks in the bar with a Chihuahua. The first guys sees
him, stops him and says "You can't bring that dog in
here unless you tell him it's a seeing-eye dog." The
second man graciously thanks the first man and continues to
the bar. He asks for a drink. The bartender says "Hey,
you can't bring that dog in here!"
The
second man replies "This is my seeing-eye dog."
The bartender says, "No, I don't think so. They do not
have Chiwauas as seeing-eye dogs." The man pauses for
a half-second and replies "What?!?! They gave me a Chihuahua?!?"
Q:
Why don't blind people skydive?
A: It scares the heck out of the dog.
A
blind man was describing his favorite sport, parachuting.
When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things
were all done for him: "I am placed in the door with
my seeing eye dog and told when to jump. My hand is placed
on my release ring for me and out I go with the dog."
"But
how do you know when you are going to land?" he was asked.
"I have a very keen sense of smell, and I can smell the
trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground" he
answered.
"But
how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival
on the ground?" he was again asked. He quickly answered:
"Oh, the dog's leash goes slack."
A snake and a rabbit were racing along a pair of intersecting
forest pathways one day, when they collided at the intersection.
They immediately began to argue with one another as to who was
at fault for the mishap.
When
the snake remarked that he had been blind since birth, and
thus should be given additional leeway, the rabbit said that
he, too, had been blind since birth. The two animals then
forgot about the collision and began commiserating concerning
the problems of being blind.
The
snake said that his greatest regret was the loss of his identity.
He had never been able to see his reflection in the water,
and for that reason did not know exactly what he looked like,
or even what he was. The rabbit declared that he had the same
problem. Seeing a way that they could help each other, the
rabbit proposed that one feel the other from head to toe,
and then try to describe what the other animal was.
The
snake agreed, and started by winding himself around the rabbit.
After a few moments, he announced, "You've got very soft,
fuzzy fur, long ears, big rear feet, and a little fuzzy ball
for a tail. I think that you must be a bunny rabbit!"
The
rabbit was much relieved to find his identity, and proceeded
to return the favor to the snake. After feeling about the
snake's body for a few minutes, he asserted, "Well, you're
scaly, you're slimy, you've got beady little eyes, you squirm
and slither all the time, and you've got a forked tongue.
I think you're a lawyer!"
| 
