Al
Gore Concession Speech, 1st Draft
Good evening, my fellow American: Tonight we come to the end
of a long road
and the start of a new one. Having exhausted all avenues of
appeal in the U.S. and Florida, my legal team has filed a
claim in World Court seeking to overturn the Florida elect..
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Al Gore Concession Speech, 2nd Draft
Good evening, my fellow Americans: Tonight, in the spirit
of national unity and despite being the undisputed winner
of the popular vote..
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Al Gore Concession Speech, 3rd Draft
Good evening, everyone. Many of you no doubt know what it
feels like to get royally shaf..
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Al Gore Concession Speech, 4th Draft
Good evening, my fellow Americans. Although it is the opinion
of my attorneys and myself that I do not fit the legal definition
of "loser," ..
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Al Gore Concession Speech, 5th Draft Good evening, my fellow
Americans. Approximately 12 million light years ago, when
I was first dispatched to your planet from Zolloid 9 ..
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Al Gore Concession Speech, 6th Draft
I can't do this. I just can't do this.
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Al Gore Concession Speech, 7th Draft
Hello, my fellow Americans. It's been a long and difficult
month for me and, indeed, for the entire nation. But the time
has come for us all to throw our enthusiastic support behind
our next president, George W. Buhh
Bbb .
Bahoo. (laugh) Pardon me. Let me try that again: President
George
W. Buh,
Buh. FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, PEOPLE! HOW HARD CAN IT BE TO PUNCH
OUT A FREAKIN' CARDBOARD HOLE IN A BALLOT! MORONS!
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Al Gore Concession Speech, 8th Draft
My fellow Americans, in light of recent unfavorable court
decisions, it has come to my understanding that a majority
of you want to turn the country over to a recovering alcoholic
and functional illiterate..
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Al Gore Concession Speech, 9th Draft (folksy approach) Good
evening, my fellow Americans. You know, when I was young boy
frolicking on the zero-gravity ash fields of Zolloid 9, it
never occurred to me when I downloaded the human emotion coding
sequence..
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Al Gore Concession Speech, 10th Draft
Good evening, my fellow Americans. Have you ever known someone
who took something from a store without paying for it? That's
called "stealing," and in American stealing is a
cri..
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Al Gore Concession Speech, 11th Draft
My fellow American, most of you probably know how to count.
One. Two. Three. And so on. See? It's not that difficult.
(Smile). So can someone please explain to me why the state
of Florida..
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Al Gore Concession Speech, 12 Draft
Good evening, everyone. Generally speaking, civil war is never
a good thing. But there are times . ah, forget it.
Bill
looks at Al, chuckles and says, "You know, I could throw
a $10,000 bill out the window right now and make one person
very happy."
Al
shrugs his stiff shoulders and says, "Well, I could throw
ten $1,000 bills out the window and make 10 people very happy".
Hillary
tosses her perfectly sprayed hair and says, "Of course,
then, I could throw one-hundred $100 bills out the window
and make a hundred people very happy."
Chelsea
rolls her eyes, looks at all of them and says, "I could
throw all of you out the window and make the whole country
happy."
On
July 8, 1947, witnesses claim a spaceship with five aliens
aboard crashed on a sheep-and-cattle ranch outside Roswell,
an incident they say has been covered up by the military.
March 31, 1948, nine months after that day, Al Gore was born.
That
clears up a lot of things.
Gore:
My gosh, it was terrible!
Aide: What?
Gore:
This nightmare I had--I dreamed I was running against Dan
Quayle.
Aide:
What's so terrible about that? Seems to me it'd be a slam
dunk for you.
Gore:
You don't understand. I was in this debate--and the first
thing they ask ed was, "Which of you is Al and which
of you is Dan?"
Q:
What's the difference between Al Gore and a slab of formica?
A: Absolutely nothing.
Documents
released by the White House show that the Democratic National
Committee asked Al Gore to make 140 calls to campaign donors,
but he only connected on 56 of them. The other 84 hung up
because he sounds just like a dial tone.
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